Applying for Jobs

Half of my followers (2 of you!!!) have expressed an interest in hearing more about the hows and whys of applying for jobs I have no intention of taking.  This will require a great deal of background information so bear with me...

When the hunk and I met and started dating, I expressed my desire to be a stay-at-home mom once I had children (of course, in my mind I was thinking when WE have children). He said he didn't think that it would make me happy. Being as crazy as I am, I quickly went from fantasizing about the children we would have together to thinking, "Who the heck does this guy think he is? He has known me for all of two weeks and he knows what I want out of life?" It has been over 12 years since this conversation and I still feel a bit annoyed by it...so I have some issues letting go of things...Anyway, he was right.

I am a stay-at-home mom and have been since Buddy was born in 2005, but I am always searching for something more. I started my MEd in 2005 and finished it a month before my girls were born in 2007. This was one of the best times in my stay-at-home mom days. I was challenged intellectually, had something for myself AND was able to hang with my little man. When my girls were born, I was consumed with my children for some time. Honestly,  I was drowning in screaming babies, tantrums and, what felt like, numbness of the brain. I fantasized about having papers due that I would get an A on.  I mentioned to the hunk that I thought maybe I should get my PhD which was greeted with the suggestion that we pay off my masters first.  I hate when he is right. That was when I wound up beginning the search.

Let me go off on a quick tangent.  I do love my whiners dearly but being home with them is really not easy for me. My husband travels about 6 months out of the year so I am often alone for days at a time without seeing another adult. If someone gets sick during this time period, forget it! I am stranded and have a tendency to not reach out as much as I should for fear of seeming needy. This of course leaves me appearing strong. While I am strong, I am also desperate for intellectual stimulation*.  Back to the topic at hand....the search  or should I say searches?

It started at the height of my parenting stress. I don't remember the day specifically but am pretty certain I was alone with the kids, had a stressful day and got on the net. I know it began because I  started imagining what it would be like to do something in addition to diapers, breastfeeding, and tantrums. It started innocently enough but then I began spending a great deal of time on craigslist, career builder, indeed and monster. I started searching and searching for anything in the education field.  In the height of my stress, I was applying for up to 10 jobs a week. Some times they would be jobs that I would never have a shot at and sometimes they would be perfect. I have filled out countless online forms, completed online interviews, phone interviews and even a few face-to-face interviews. I have received emails from companies asking if I am still interested in the position for which I applied a month before only to have no recollection of what the company or job is because there have been so many applications since then. I have actually gone on craigslist in all major cities and selected "telecommute" to see what comes up of interest.

My applications always come to a halt when someone I love suggests I should stop. For example, when going on and on about a curriculum writing position that would have been perfect, my husband reminded me that he was about to leave for an extended business trip and that we had twins I was exclusively breastfeeding and a 3 year old, that all three of them would require childcare and that it might be hard to be an hour away from them everyday. Did I mention I hate when he is right?  I was disappointed and let the company know that I would not be able to go for an interview.

I backed off on the job applications for a bit and then it inevitably started again. I remember being at a playdate and mentioning that I had applied to numerous jobs the night before and 2 of my friends chuckled and asked where in the world I found all these jobs. I am still pretty sure they were laughing at how crazy I was. This particular phase of job searching did find me some freelance writing for www.education.com and then a job as an au pair coordinator*.

About six months ago, I was applying like crazy. I got an email from the director of some organization letting me know they were very interested and was I? Of course, I had no idea who she was or what she was talking about. Then the next day, I got a phone call from someone asking if I could possibly meet with their CEO who would be about an hour from my house. I asked if she could tell me a bit more about the company because I hadn't a clue what she was talking about or what the job entailed. It was a sales job in the education field. I don't do sales so was very confused why in the heat of my stress, I thought it a good idea to apply for this particular position. I think it is sort of like having a black-out when drinking too much. I only remember bits and pieces of the applications and job searching.  When I mentioned this to one of my girlfriends she bluntly suggested it might be time I back off from applying.

I have to admit I am back at it.  In fact I applied for 4 jobs yesterday that are about an hour from my house. I do this with the thought that if I am a good enough candidate that surely they will let me work from home, right? Of course, I did work from home as an online developmental reading, writing and math instructor** and that did not work out well for me. So, why would I be searching for online positions you ask? Who knows! Why am I looking for any position when I probably will not go back to work until my kids are in school? However, if you know anyone looking for someone like me, please let me know:)

By the way, I just realized that this is not really a new thing for me. After all, I did buy the starter kit for selling Mary Kay in 1998 yet I am not a sales woman and I don't wear make-up.

*Yes, I am whining
** I did the au pair coordinator job for months and never made a dime. The online instructor job was so stressful and emotionally draining that it caused me to search for more jobs.