Borat: [indicates women beside him] In my country, they would go crazy for these two.
[points to minister's wife]
Borat: This one... not so much...
It would seem The Bear is the minister's wife. Don't get me wrong, she is beautiful and an amazing little person but for some reason, The Zaz attracts all the attention. People stop us constantly to admire her haircut, hair color, adorableness, etc. even with her sister standing right there. I have countless examples of this since Zaz's white blonde hair grew in and she learned to giggle and bat her eyelashes at any willing passerby.
While on vacation, an older gentleman stopped me and pointed to Zaz, who was shoulder to shoulder with Bear:
Nice Man: You are going to have trouble with that one in about 12 years.
Me: Smile
Nice Man: I have been there with the blonde hair blue eyed girl. Look out.
Me: Even worse, she is a twin so we will have two of them.
Nice Clueless Man: Blah blah look out, She is going to be a looker chuckle chuckle.
Me: Yes, and just think we will have two beautiful teenage girls.
Nice Man (finally snapping out of his oblivion): Oh, yes all of your children are adorable.
Me: Smile
This theme is very common and I experience it regularly but my husband doesn't because he normally has one at a time for "special dates" or we are all out as a family. Today he took both girls out for a breakfast date. He had the pleasure of experiencing something like I do every time we head out.
Person to Zaz: Oh look at you and your beautiful bow! OH and THAT Hair oh my
Hunk: Smile
Person: Oh my gosh isn't she cute?
Hunk referencing the Bear: Yes, and her sister has a cute headband on, too.
Person: Oh yes.
Done.
I think some of this probably sinks in for The Bear and worry that if this is a continuing trend, her self-esteem may be impacted in the long run. It probably doesn't help that Bear is socially more cautious and more challenging. She doesn't warm as easily to people and never has (right before 7 months, she started with separation issues. Our pediatrician jokingly said she was gifted b/c of it). People naturally favor Zaz b/c she is easier over all which is really difficult to watch as a parent. Even when some people visit, their favoritism is evident (and heartbreaking).
My husband and I joked about how we can respond to these situations.
Our response to a couple admiring Zaz could be something like this:
Couple: Oh Honey, look at her and that hair! Isn't she the cutest thing you have ever seen?
Us: Thank you
Couple: She is so cute! Look out!
Us to the woman: You are gorgeous
Us to the man: Not so much
And walk away.
How would you handle it?
Nice Clueless Man: Blah blah look out, She is going to be a looker chuckle chuckle.
Me: Yes, and just think we will have two beautiful teenage girls.
Nice Man (finally snapping out of his oblivion): Oh, yes all of your children are adorable.
Me: Smile
This theme is very common and I experience it regularly but my husband doesn't because he normally has one at a time for "special dates" or we are all out as a family. Today he took both girls out for a breakfast date. He had the pleasure of experiencing something like I do every time we head out.
Person to Zaz: Oh look at you and your beautiful bow! OH and THAT Hair oh my
Hunk: Smile
Person: Oh my gosh isn't she cute?
Hunk referencing the Bear: Yes, and her sister has a cute headband on, too.
Person: Oh yes.
Done.
I think some of this probably sinks in for The Bear and worry that if this is a continuing trend, her self-esteem may be impacted in the long run. It probably doesn't help that Bear is socially more cautious and more challenging. She doesn't warm as easily to people and never has (right before 7 months, she started with separation issues. Our pediatrician jokingly said she was gifted b/c of it). People naturally favor Zaz b/c she is easier over all which is really difficult to watch as a parent. Even when some people visit, their favoritism is evident (and heartbreaking).
My husband and I joked about how we can respond to these situations.
Our response to a couple admiring Zaz could be something like this:
Couple: Oh Honey, look at her and that hair! Isn't she the cutest thing you have ever seen?
Us: Thank you
Couple: She is so cute! Look out!
Us to the woman: You are gorgeous
Us to the man: Not so much
And walk away.
How would you handle it?
ugh. This breaks MY heart reading it!! Of course, she is going to notice. That has also always been a fear of mine, too, now that i have two little girls. I don't one to ever feel like the "lesser" one. But, people are STUPID and so INSENSITIVE. I don't know how to tell you how to handle it.. We try to point out our two differences as big positives. Little sis the smartest, kindest, blond girl in the world. The big sis is the smartest, kindest, brunette girl in the world. I don't know maybe that is dumb...but we are trying to get them to love their different features; their individuality.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was almost 3, EVERYONE talked about how gorgeous my brother was. He really was a beautiful child. One day, in the midst of a story somewhat like yours, I stood up in the shopping cart, looked at the stranger complimenting my brother and said, "I'm a puppy dog!" I knew people loved puppy dogs. Isn't that sad?? :(:( and funny! But, clearly, I noticed it and prob so does sweet little bear.
That is a toughie. I would try to not comment at all about cuteness/prettiness, etc and give lots of positive feedback to both about their intellectual prowess. Then maybe they'll find those comments shallow, or at least they'll know their mommy values smarts...?
ReplyDelete:( Mine are the same way- the older one is just like Bear socially and the younger one just like Zaz. People pay him more attention because of it, which sometimes makes her more shy. Getting a little older has helped some & them being in different preschool classes has helped her as well. Luckily mine aren't both girls, so I don't have to deal with the "cuteness/hairbow, etc" issue you're dealing with.
ReplyDelete