The Family Meeting

The Hunk and I made the decision that we want to start family meetings. We talked it over last night during our date night downtown. We discussed the format of the meeting and when we would do it. Hunk expressed that we needed a conch shell like in Lord of the Flies. I wasn't so sure and had a horrible flashback to pledging when our conch shell, during a heated meeting, was scissors...anyway, we gave it a whirl tonight without the conch:

Me: Are we going to do the Family thing?
Hunk: What?
Buddy: What family thing?
Hunk: Oh yeah a family meeting.
Buddy: I don't want to
Hunk: You can go to your room then
Me: I think the important part of the family meeting is that we are all together as a family (Hunk giving me the, "i don't know why I bother to speak to our children b/c you always think I am wrong" look)
I smiled sweetly and said, "So let's start."

We started our meeting with loads of praise for each child about things we had witnessed over the last week. Buddy's tune quickly changed about family meeting as he got a shy, yet proud, smile on his sweet little face.
Then we started talking about how well the girls did playing together and what a huge accomplishment it was for the Bear yesterday when she didn't cry at a bday party when the birthday girl wouldn't share a lollypop.
Zaz: Well, L gave me a lollypop but wouldn't give one to Bear. I didn't like my lollypop...
Hunk: During family meetings one person talks at a time (giving me the "I told ya so look" regarding the conch)
So we continued the praise and everyone seemed to enjoy it.
We pointed out that Bear had gone without a tantrum today and part of yesterday which is a huge accomplishment and that Zaz had played nicely with her sister all afternoon. Both of them, we pointed out, hadn't whined about anything for the entire day.
Zaz: I have a booboo right here (holding up her arm).
Hunk and I exchanged glances and smiled knowing that Zaz wasn't really sure about the purpose of this family meeting.  Okay really, she didn't get it....
Then we talked about problem areas:
1. Talking back (mainly Buddy but we talked about it at as a whole group)
2. Yelling  Screaming at siblings
During this discussion I said, "You guys need to stop yelling at each other and speak more kindly. Have you ever heard me yell at Daddy?" All three nodded yes and I realized I needed to quickly switch tactics. I explained that even people who love each other some times have arguments or disagreements but it was important to still be respectful (note to self stop raising voice at Hunk and vise versa). So, I said, "have you ever heard me scream at Daddy?" I held my breath for a minute for fear that I would see my little people shaking their heads yes at me. Thankfully, they were not. All three were saying no. Phew...
So we got the point across about no yelling and screaming about things and I did a few imitations of things I had heard recently. I was yelling and really getting into the part. Hunk suggested I close the window. I ignored him.
3. Toys on floor= chance to clean up= no pick-up equals toys in time out for one full day
4. Tantrums= alone time

Zaz interrupted throughout with stories about her life over the past 3 years and I realized we were starting to lose them. I knew I needed to act fast and get them engaged...

SO the teacher in me kicked in and I decided it was time for role play. I asked for a volunteer and Buddy quickly raised his hand. I had a flash of how eager he must be in his classroom. He got to be Hunk and I was the child. I asked for a popsicle, he said no and I started melting down and yelling, "I want a popsicle". I truly behaved as though I might lose my mind if I did not get a popsicle. Seriously, folks we are talking possible Academy Award nomination for best actress when Hunk ruined the moment and asked me to close the window. I ignored him, continued in my role as Bear and stormed upstairs bawling the entire time. I then came back down still crying and Buddy sent me back up until I could be calm.
We tried a few more scenarios and had them put their hand on their head if the child was behaving appropriately. They were full of  giggles as I played the role of dramatic child and they played the role of stern parent. All the while, Hunk looked totally confused at the direction our meeting had gone and reiterated the need to close the window and I quote, "You can be heard all the way in the cul-de-sac." SO????
We reviewed what we discussed, ate Oreos and ended the meeting on a positive note with everyone taking dinner dishes to the sink and heading upstairs for bath.

I think it was a successful first Family Meeting and really it went better than I imagined with a five year old and 2 three year olds!!

Our goal is to do it once a week BUT consistency is not our strong point...