Mommy Doesn't (always) Negotiate with Terrorists

Terrorism is the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion. And while The White House claims to never negotiate with terrorists, not everyone is convinced this is truth.  The same is going on in this white house.

The terror used here is tantrums, whining and crying in order to coerce the victim (me, hunk or siblings) into something. While I do not face the likes of Osama bin Laden, I do face The Bear and, at times, I think bin Laden might be easier to deal with than my girl. Recently, I was accused of giving into terrorism in my home and I took great offense to this observation on many levels but that is for another post.
The reality is, we have a unique lifestyle that involves as much as 6 months of travel by The Hunk. So our lives can be very emotionally complicated. I deal with people missing their daddy, people angry at me for not making said daddy stay home and people confused over how they feel with their main man out of site. It isn't easy on anyone but we all do the best with what we have and make the most of it.  Sometimes, I give into terrorism. I do!  I admit it, but for the most part, I don't. Instead, I work on terrorism prevention but sometimes negotiations are inevitable if I want to sit down and enjoy my latest book or a glass of wine....

Terrorism Prevention

I attempt to prevent terrorism using strategies like my cotton ball system, ignoring the terrorist when they are making demands but some times negotiations, while frowned upon by my elders, is unavoidable.

Example of Unavoidable Negotiations:

Last night was one of those nights. Bear was exhausted as she often is due to a refusal to take naps and now sharing the room with her sister which has led to late night giggle and chat sessions. After the girls each "read" a book to me, I read one to them and put them in bed. Then I did it. I really did it. I sang Zaz's song to her first before I sang to Bear. I didn't know this was going to cause such a stir but boy did it. Bear lost it and I mean lost it. She screamed and cried because she wanted to be first but when the song is already sung what can one do? I can't sing Twinkle Twinkle backward to get the words back. Don't think I didn't consider it. So, instead I sang to Bear but she  didn't want to hear it. The drama got pretty bad with screams, cries, kicking the bed and so on.

Zaz started saying ,"I don't like the screaming." and plugging her ears. "Really?" I thought to myself, "I LOVE it!" And of course the screaming continued and finally I walked Zaz down to the playroom so she could be away from the screams that surely were not sounding anything like a lullaby. I told Zaz she could play until the Bear was done with her tantrum. Zaz had a joyful look in her eye because she knows her sister and knows her well and realized she may have just gotten herself an hour of playtime.

The Bear really lacks the skills to calm herself. I am not sure if that is because I have never given her the chance to learn them as my sweet husband implies, if it is just that she lacks the developmental skills to do so , if it is because she is a spirited child and has more passion than most or because she is simply a terrorist. I am going with the spirited child thing despite the fact that others  disagree (I am attending a parenting class next week about the spirited child).   Anyway, I went back to The Bear and rocked her, sang to her and held her only to have her scream even more and then  say that she wanted to go to the playroom, too.  In her little mind, it was one injustice after another* What to do?  Eventually, I calmed her with the promise that if she stopped screaming, she could walk with me to the playroom to get Zaz and bring her back to their room for bed. Remarkably, that worked.

Sadly, with Bear, I consider the above example a success.

It doesn't always work though. Some nights, like tonight, I am at a total loss. They are exhausted from a fun-filled day at the water park and are fighting and coming out of their room repeatedly with questions and demands when the only real answer is sleep. I can't help them get there. I sing to them, cuddle them, read to them, rock with them and so on but sometimes they just have to do it on their own and tonight is one of those nights.

I am signing up for a parenting seminar at a local children's museum to help guide handling my little terrorist. How do you handle tantrums especially when connected to exhaustion both by your child/children and yourself?
**Have I mentioned that this mama is off duty by 7:05 pm and so I needed to calm her and get her to bed.